As many things growing up creeps up on you. You do not notice it until it is there. Until the waves of nostalgia flood over you and the only thing that pops into your mind is "oh, I can remember that I..."
For me it was little things. Not wanting to rip my jeans, fall to the ground, get covered in mud. Wearing make-up and dresses, something tomboy 6 year old me would absolutely detest. Reaching the lightswitch in the hallway, understanding adult conversations, not wanting to seem weird or inappropriate, not having time to daydream and to read. Those things are distant memories even if it feels like it was yesterday. There are perks of growing up, of being a teen, of becoming 18. It is you vs the world and you feel invincible. You experience new things: new nirvana's, new pain, new nostalgia, new people. Your little bubble of the world has been broadend out and now everything feels like it belongs to you in one way or another. You suddenly are allowed to do new things (drinking, smoking, paying taxes, driving a car, voting etc.). Things that little-you would not ever imagine to do because she was busy being little. And now you are not little but you still feel 6 sometimes. And that is okay. It is okay to feel 6 and 7 and 12 and 13,5. Because you feel it right now. And you're realizing it right now. And when you are sitting at your desk when you are 30 you maybe won't think about this stuff. You will think about other stuff. And that also is okay.
It is just the jumbled up nostalgia and teenage angst that leeds to the realization of growing up.
I got a really weird- but weird in a good way, feeling reading this.. Love your little writings and the feeling I got while reading this. Cause I know exactly what I mean. And "something tomboy 6 year old me would absolutely detest" made me laugh out laugh, cause literally same! I used to be the best 'tree climber' in my whole neighborhood and I always fell in mud. Did I care how I look? Nah. I wouldn't even dare to do the same things when I was a 6 year old tomboy, the idea of my tights ripping makes me cringe already, oh well... :')
ReplyDeleteHow did I forget to reply to this? Thank you so much for this! I loved reading your comment and I am so glad that you could relate. All the love, I
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